Curses and Scars
by Whorphine.Daffodildo
Summary: Prequel to 'Yours and Mine'; Kyo and Yuki go to great lengths to avoid each other, and their mutual feelings, despite Ayame's meddling and not-so-gentle nudges in each other's direction. When Kyo finds out the truth about Akito's uses for Yuki, will it push him away or bring them closer? Kyo x Yuki, Hatori x Ayame - Rated for lemons, rape, and violence
1. Chapter 1

** This is the ****PREQUEL**** to 'Yours and Mine' so, uhh. . . I guess you can read it without reading Y&M. I don't think there will be any spoilers to Y&M or the companion fic, Retrospective Proposal. But if you like this one, then you should read those too! Also, please review ~**

"Please, Yuki, you'd be saving my life on this! You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't absolutely necessary!" Ayame dropped down on his knees, sunshine eyes gazing up pleadingly at his younger sibling.

"Absolutely not." Yuki growled out between his teeth, feeling his cheeks heat up at even the mere suggestion. He sincerely wished the snake had asked him about this in private, not in the middle of his living room with Shigure and Kyo, albeit very different expressions. Shigure had a voyeur's grin, eyes sparkling with amusement, and Kyo was scowling, eyes fixed pointedly at the ceiling as if he were not listening or watching the exchange between the brothers. Kyo, the bane of his existence, rival, and insanely embarrassing crush. The co-star of his most ridiculously romantic fantasies. Why did this conversation have to be happening in front of him?

"Why are you so opposed to this?" The white-haired man demanded. "You don't approve of my career?"

"I didn't say _that_." Yuki answered with a huff. "Whatever you do is fine, Aya. But I'm not going to wear one of your little. . . _outfits_ and splay myself out in some racey magazine for perverts to-"

"You're judging me!" The man cried out, clutching his chest as if suffering a massive heart attack.

"I'm not judging you!" The rat assured him, covering his hands with his face.

"My model for this shoot cancelled and it's too late for me to find someone else, Yuki! The shoot is in 2 days!"

"What makes you think I would even be able to do this, anyway?" Yuki ground out, trying not to blush again. Willing himself with every fiber of his being not to glance back at Kyo's expression. How humiliating.

"You're the perfect size, first of all. He and your body type are almost identical. Secondly, you don't have to _do_ anything. My makeup team will take care of everything. All you have to do is look gorgeous and sexy and let them take pictures."

"I don't know how to be sexy." Yuki confessed, unable this time to hide the blood rushing to his cheeks.

Kyo had to physically stop himself from scoffing. He had been uncomfortably aware of his cousin recently, and had to admit that the student council president was almost unbearably sexy. He had taken to avoiding rooms Yuki was in by himself, somewhat paranoid that the rat may be able to read his perverse thoughts, and would be disgusted or enraged.

"Oh, pshaw!" Ayame made a noise in his throat, waving the thought away. "I'll direct everything myself. It's for a magazine overseas, so nobody you know would even ever see it! You have nothing to worry about." He promised, tugging on the hem of the boy's shirt. "Just say yes."

"I. . . I don't know." He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "What is the outfit I'm supposed to be wearing?"

Ayame hesitated, covering his smile with his hand. "Well. . . It's not _pornographic_. Since you're underage. I would just call it. . . _Suggestive." _

"You're pandering me to pedophiles, basically." Yuki said dully, frowning.

"You're judging again." Ayame reminded him, waving his finger back and forth. Yuki heaved a sigh, discomfort more than obvious in his face. "How about this, I will take you down to my shop tomorrrow, you can try it on, and you can decide then. Deal?"

Yuki eyed him apprehensively, chewing his lower lip in a habit he thought he had broken years ago. "I. . ."

"Please, at least give me a chance. You'd be saving my life. These pictures in this magazine are going to generate a lot of sales for me."

"Fine, fine." Yuki gave up, throwing his hands out. "I'll try it on."

"Thank you so much, wonderful little brother!" He sprang up, wrapping the boy in a tight hug, making the rat wince. "Hmm. . . I could always just bring it by the house tomorrow, and you could-"

"NO!" Yuki cried out suddenly, alarmed. The 3 Sohma males jumped visibly at the suddenly loud tone. The thought of trying on what he knew would be insanely revealing outfit and risk the cat even getting a peek at his figure nearly gave him cardiac arrest. Completely insecure with his body, something like that happening was one of the worst case scenarios Yuki could think of. Especially when it was showcased in something Ayame had made.

The rat froze suddenly, lowering his eyes before squeezing them closed. "Wait. Aya. . . " He said it so quietly, his tone so full of despondence that it stopped the snake cold in his movements.

"What is it, Yuki?" He asked quietly, leaning in so their faces were closer together, trying to read the reason for the sudden stricken look in the violet orbs.

"I can't model for your shoot." He whispered in a nearly inaudible tone.

"Why do you say that?"

"What about. . . my scars?" He forced the word out, repulsed with himself and his body, knowing that everyone else had to be too. He couldn't bring himself to turn and meet Kyo's eyes, knowing they would be full of repulsion as well.

"Ah." Ayame looked surprised for a moment, lowered his forehead to his brother's. "Don't worry, my makeup team will take care of that. And the magazine has to airbrush almost everyone's skin, anyway. It will be fine."

"If you say so." He said, suddenly annoyed with himself for agreeing to this whole thing. What a terrible idea. "I'll see you tomorrow." Turning without warning, and dashing up the stairs to his bedroom, he left Ayame staring up cheerlessly after him. The snake glanced back at Shigure somewhat guiltily, feeling dejected.

"Don't feel so guilty, Aya." The dog laid a hand on his shoulder. "He'll be fine. He's strong."

"You're right as usual,'Gure." The snake sighed, tossing his mane of hair behind him.

"Why don't you leave Hatori and marry me?" The dog invited, giving him an expression of mock seduction. "It would be so much easier, wouldn't it?" Ayame laughed into his hands, shaking his head.

"It'd be kind of hard to marry someone when you're dead." Hatori piped up from the doorway, where he had been standing for the last several minutes, but he was smiling. Not the jealous type, he took pride in the undisputed fact that his husband was extremely beautiful.

Shigure whirled, giving him a shit-eating grin. "Wanna fight to the death, Ha'ri?"

"You guys are idiots!" Kyo burst out, snarling. He threw the pillow he had been holding down onto the couch and stormed out, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

"What's with him?" Ayame questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"He's been very. . . Edgy lately." Shigure explained, failing to hide a smile. "I can't say for sure, but. . . It's been very tense in this household as of late, gentleman."

"Wasn't it always?" Hatori asked, after puffing a lungful of smoke, politely blowing it out the open doorway.

"I don't mean that kind of tension." He answered, eyes dancing. "I'm actually referring to tension of the sexual persuasion."

"From Kyo? He. . . " Ayame's eyes narrowed as the full implication of the words hit him. "Kyo, and Yuki?" He asked again, wanting to be sure he had understood correctly.

Shigure raised his hands in surrender, smiling good-naturedly. "Like I said, I can't say for sure. But as a professional writer of romance, I have to say that I have sensed something between the two of them lately."

"You must be mistaken." The dragon snorted at even the idea of the two of them harboring torches for each other.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Ayame snapped, a hand flying to his hip. "Yuki is absolutely breathtaking, a completely attractive specimen! He takes after me, you know."

"Nobody is arguing that." Shigure replied.

"So then why is it so hard for you to believe that Kyo may be having. . . Feelings towards him of that nature?" He questioned his husband angrily.

"Well, I would start with the fact that they seem to loathe each other's very existence." Ha'ri answered flatly.

"Details, details!" Ayame scoffed.

"Secondly, from what I have witnessed of Hatsuharu's fumbling and frankly somewhat pathetic, attempts at romance towards Yuki, your brother isn't exactly interested in dating or sex."

"Oh, please. Kyo and Haru are on different planets in terms of what would be good for Yuki."

"So wait, you seriously think the two of them would be good together?" Shigure asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"Kyo would certainly be good at forcing him to open up, and possibly chip away at some of his guarded emotions. And only someone like Yuki could calm some of the cat's more. . . _radical_ impulses." He answered thoughtfully, toying with a strand of his ivory hair. "Maybe we could- "

"No." Hatori interrupted, shaking his head. "Don't even think about it, Ayame. I mean it."

The snake batted his lashes innocently. "I'm certain I don't even know what you're talking about, darling."

"You and Shigure are not concocting some half-baked scheme to force the two of them together. I forbid it."

"Whaaat?" He gasped, mouth round with shock. "How can you even suggest we would do something so salacious!?"

"Cut the bullshit." Hatori deadpanned, eyes narrowed. "It would end up being the most contrite, obvious ploy ever known to mankind and would more than likely succeed in causing something so awkward that the pair won't even be able to look each other in the eyes, let alone experiment with dating."

Ayame sighed in defeat, making an annoyed noise in his throat. "You have no faith in my abilities."

"Damn right. Now get in the car, you half-assed cupid. I have to get up early in the morning." He left the door open behind him, motioning for the snake to follow him.

Ayame shot a look ripe with irony at the dog behind him, his eyes clearly stating that the two of them would discuss any future plans of matchmaking later.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kyo growled, rolling over in his bed for what seemed like the hundredth time in ten minutes. He couldn't get comfortable, and who the hell could blame him? Being forced to listen to the mindless chatter of Ayame was one thing, but when the central point of the conversation was Yuki, clad in nothing but one of the snake's racy excuses for lingerie, it was basically like a form of mental torture. _Mental? _He scoffed at himself. It had been just as much a physical torture. It was insane, having to sit there in complete terror, visions of the rat's lithe form invading his mind, fearful that one of them would observe that he had one of the couch pillows in an iron grip in his lap to hide his noticable erection. He had only been able to will it down to be able to leave after Yuki had suddenly gone so melancholy. _About his scars, _Kyo remembered, frowning. _What scars? _

Whatever, or wherever they were, Yuki had certainly gotten sensitive about them, he recalled, doubting they detracted from the rat's stunning beauty too much. Probably just one of those stupid, whiny uke body issues. Like when they whined about being fat when they hardly enough fat on them to feed a dying sparrow, he scoffed. That kind of shit annoyed him to no end. Fishing for compliments, no doubt. But it definitely hadn't seemed that way with Yuki. . . His eyes had been so wounded and vulnerable, it had shocked the cat to the core. And as much as they argued and criticized each other, he had to admit that Yuki was anything but a whiner.

"God!" The cat groaned his frustrations out into his pillow, pummeling it with his fists. "Why can't I stop thinking about him?" He wondered aloud, glaring up at the ceiling as if angry with his creator for cursing him. Sure, he was hot and Kyo wasn't exactly rolling in sexual encounters. . . None, actually, he admitted wryly. But still, that was hardly a reason to be so hung up on the damn rat.

Forget it, trying to lay in this bed and sleep was a total charade, he scoffed, throwing the cover off himself and pulling on a pair of loose jeans. He would go up to the roof and stargaze, and maybe he'd fall asleep that way. . .

He closed his door quietly, so as not to wake anyone else up, and lifted himself up through the hole in the ceiling, carefully closing the latch behind him, breathing in the warm summer air. The wind whipped his orange locks around his forehead, and caressed his bare arms and chest with cool fingers.

"I'm sorry." The quiet, breathy voice startled him so much he nearly toppled off the shingled roof.

"Christ!" Kyo snapped, panting with the effort to right himself. "You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing out here!?"

"I. . . I thought you were in bed." Yuki stammered, eyes wide. He was more than aware that this was the first time the two of them had been alone together in over a week. "I just needed some air. I didn't mean to take your spot. . . " He apologized. "I'll just. . . Go." He decided quickly, standing quickly and scurrying toward the latch to let himself back in the house._ Where it's safe,_ he thought timidly. "Ah!" He gasped out loud, his sock-clad foot slipping off one of the slick shingles, slamming his body down onto the hard panels.

The damp surface of the summit rolled his slim body down the slope. He spiraled toward the ground, stomach rolling at the sight of it rushing toward him. Squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable collision with the hard dirt, he fleetingly wondered if he would survive the fall, or if he'd have any broken bones.

** This chapter was so much longer, but I had to chop it in the middle because it was getting ridiculously lengthy ~ So the next chapter will just start off exactly where this one left off. Let me know what you think, in a review! I love writing Ayame in my fics, he's just so energetic and fun! I hope I kept everyone in character. . . **


	2. You Hollow Out My Hungry Eyes

**And yes, for anyone who has read any of my Naruto fic, 'It's gonna be me', this fic will also have chapters titled with lines from songs(excluding chapter 1). I try and base the 'mood' of the chapter on the respective song. Of course, oftentimes there is more than one event taking place in each chapter, or parts focusing on different couples, etc. It shouldn't be hard to tell what the central point of the chapter is. When I finish the fic, I'll post the songs for each chapter in case anyone is interested (:**

His eyes flew open in shock as he felt himself yanked upward, Kyo's strong arms encircling him and throwing him forcibly toward the apex where the two slopes met.

The agile cat dug his heels into the concrete, pinning the pretty uke up and away from the edge. Yuki's eyes were huge and glassy with terror, the pair of them were so shaken they hardly noticed their sweat-dampened, heaving torsos were practically pressed together.

"You. . . Fucking. . . Rat." Kyo managed between pants, his mouth contorting into a scowl. "You shouldn't be up here in the first place! You hardly weigh more than a damn feather! I'm surprised the wind doesn't just blow you away!"

The rack of physical pain from rapping the side of his head on the cement rooftop was nothing compared to the acute embarrassment throbbing inside him, turning his whole body a violent shade of red. Turning his head to the side to avoid the discriminating gaze of his rival, he grit his teeth. "Thank you for saving me." He murmured begrudgingly, wriggling to get out of the cat's grip. He wished the bastard had just let him fall. Death was preferable to this. "If you'll let me go, I'd be more than happy to do what you want and go inside."

Kyo released him immediately, hands flying off him as though he were a burning coal. His fingertips and palm tingled with the memory of the contact. Their eyes met again, the sparks nearly visible between them. "Don't come up here again. I might not be here next time to save your ass." He warned.

"You think you can tell me what to do?" He asked incredulously, eyes wide. "I only slipped because I-" He broke off abruptly, sucking his lower lip in between his teeth. He could hardly tell Kyo that he had slipped because he was in a hurry to get away from him. Away from being alone with him.

"Because you were in such a hurry that you weren't even watching where you were going, you idiot! If it wasn't for me, you'd be splattered on the ground!"

"I've had enough of your insults." Yuki spat, his voice going frigid, eyes shooting daggers. "I _said_ thank you. What, did you want me to get down on my knees and suck your dick in gratitude?"

Kyo's mouth dropped open slightly, his hands dropping limply to his sides, goggling at the abnormally crude words. _Did he really just say that? _He felt his face turn red, and struggled with something to say to break the silence. "I didn't know you equated gratitude with sucking dick. Must have let the sticky-fingered seniors at school pass you around like a peace pipe to get all those votes for your cushy little position on the student council."

His hand flew out from beside him, clenching into a fist and slamming into the side of Kyo's face. The cat staggered back, hand flying to nurse his wounded cheek, already knowing it would blossom into a dark bruise.

"Don't ever say something like that to me." Yuki deadpanned, eyes glazed with cold indifference to mask the hurt he felt, a sharp stab in his chest. Snatching the trapway door open, he hopped nimbly down the hole, regaining his footing on the plush carpeting. How fucking _dare_ Kyo say something like that to him? As if the clueless cat knew _anything_ about what he equated with sex. And never would know, he promised himself. No matter how much his heart stumbled in his chest at the sight of the orange-haired teen, or the sound of his rough voice. No matter how he looked when he was practicing his martial arts, with his muscles tensed and shimmering with sweat, his eyes brimming with determination.

He jumped, whirling back at the sound of the trapdoor slamming closed. Kyo's tactile body had hopped down with no issues, but his face was livid, teeth bared in a grimace. Yuki felt a chill go up his spine at the anger, but braced his body in a fight stance. No matter how just being _near_ him made his pulse skip, and his chest ache with longing. The cat would never know what he equated with sex. _Because I would rather die wanting him, than live with the rejection._

"You prissy little hypocritical bitch." Kyo snapped, advancing on the rat with each menacing step. "You talk about sucking dick as a form of gratitude, then when I say something, you act _so_ offended."

"You implied that I fucked my way through our class. Yes, I was offended." Is that really how Kyo thought of him? _What a joke_, the thought of any one of the boys in their class even giving him a kiss on the forehead made his stomach churn.

"So, prove me wrong!" Kyo challenged, all his pent-up arousal and rage and frustrations, all directed at the beautiful rat over the past weeks coming to a boiling point. "Are you even a virgin?" He sneered when Yuki's eyes widened with shock, then lowered to the floor before he could see the hurt in them. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Popularity must come easy to someone like you." He growled, gripping the rat's arms tight as a vise, effectively preventing him from moving.

"Fuck you." Yuki whispered, feeling the impossible happen inside him. He squeezed his eyes closed, willing the damp back inside, not to well up and drip down over his lashes. "You have no right to say that to me!" He cried out, futilely trying to yank his arms out of the iron grip. Ordinarily, he would have done a good job of fending off the cat's bully-ish tactics, but in the same way Kyo's pent-up emotions caused him to lash out in anger, his own caused him to be weak, emotionally wrecked, and needy.

"You have no right to say anything, you're nothing but a stuck-up snob. And a slut, apparently. You actually try to make me feel inferior to you?" Throwing out anything hurtful he could think of, Kyo ignored the grinding noise in his head that pleaded him to stop. He was tired of this, damn it. Tired of lusting after the "Perfect Sohma", tired of being the cursed cat who would never be able to have someone like that even look at him in that way. And now, to find out that someone else had gotten what he coveted, what he laid in bed envisioning night after night? The nerve of the rat to let some faceless, clumsy asshole bury himself into what Kyo could only imagine was like sliding into a warm exquisite oil.

"Stop it." The rat relented finally, tears streaking down his cheeks, body going limp in an attempt to evade his trap, being held in place. The all-too-familiar feeling of being trapped fueled his fear, making him desperate for escape. It only succeeded in bringing him to his knees, with Kyo hulking over him. "Just stop it, please. I'll do whatever you want." Without realizing it, Yuki had fallen back on one of Akito's favorite lines, the promise of doing whatever he wanted. Sometimes it even caused the 'God' to show him a degree of mercy. _You won't do what I want,_ Kyo's mind muttered dryly.

"Stop what? Telling you the truth about yourself? It hurts, doesn't it, hearing it all for the first time? I'm not going to lie to you like everyone else just so you'll spread your legs for me!" Kyo snarled. _I want you to feel like I feel, Yuki. Repulsive and undesirable and disgusting._

"STOP IT!" He screamed out from his chest, throwing his weight forward, slamming the pair of them into the harsh wall, Kyo's back taking the brunt of the damage. The shock caused his hands to loosen, the pale teen finally regaining his mobility. Ignoring the desperate need to strike out, to hurt the cat, he whirled on his heel and fled, disappearing behind his bedroom door and locking it instantly. They didn't see him sink back down to his knees in the sanctuary of his room, clutching his chest and stomach, bawling, his harsh sobs wracking his entire body until he felt he would break apart.

At the end of the hallway, Shigure watched with somber eyes as Kyo buried his face in his hands. "Kyo, I think you need to come have a talk with me." The cat's face whirled up, eyeing him with obvious disdain.

"How long have you been standing there?" He growled, shame and guilt and disbelief mixing together inside him to make a boiling sensation in his gut.

"Long enough. Get up." The dog grabbed him by the collar, lifting his body off the ground. He led the cat to the living room, far away from Yuki's room. He didn't want to hear the teen's sobs and whimpers, and didn't want him hearing what they were talking about. "Either you are the most clueless idiot alive, or the cruelest."

"I don't know what you mean." He denied hotly, eyes narrowed. "Don't lecture me about anything I say to that damn rat, he's a hypocrite."

Shigure sighed, running a hand through his hair. "There are things you don't know about Yuki. If you weren't so self-absorbed, you probably would have figured them out."

"I heard enough."

"Why are you so angry at him for not being a virgin, Kyo?"

The cat stiffened, fighting off a telltale blush. "I. . . I just expected better of him, that's all. After all, he's supposed to be this perfect angel, that everyone gets down and worships and praises, then to find out he's just screwing his way to -"

"Don't say that. Say whatever you want about his coldness, that he's stuck-up, or thinks he is better than everyone. But not that." Shigure begged, shaking his head. Remembering Yuki's haunted, dead eyes the first time he had come back to the house after Akito had requested (_ordered_) he, Aya, and Hatori bring the violet-eyed boy to him for the day, and leave him. Unable to do anything but obey, they had done the deed in a silent fashion and had never spoken about it again, at least not to the dog's knowledge. Whether Aya and Ha'ri had touched on it in the sanctity of their married home was unbeknownst to him, but he sincerely doubted it. Hatori had been the most affected, visibly shaken by what they had done, having collapsed and vomiting weakly between his knees only moments after leaving Akito's ornate manor.

"How can you let him?" He had whispered, abhorrence clear in his voice, accusing the snake and dog. "How can you let him do that!? He's a child!" He had cried out, shocked to his soul at their silence. "He's your brother!" Shaking the elder Sohma brother's shoulders, willing him to answer. "You _know_ what Akito's going to do to him! You saw the way he looked at him!" Like a starving predator faced with a bloody feast.

"You really think we had a choice?" Ayame had whispered, ruthlessly swallowing his bile at the accusation, the blame, in the voice of the man he had secretly fallen in love with. "You knew this was going to happen."

Shigure had remained silent, sure that if he opened his mouth to speak that he would be striked down for his crimes.

Yuki hadn't spoken for days, had stayed in his room alone, unable to face anyone. Shigure, sick at heart, knowing the sadistic rituals the 'God' had performed on the young teen hadn't been able to leave him alone to sulk. Unsure of what to do, inexperienced with providing comfort and dealing with his younger cousin, all he had been able to do was sit in the pitch-black bedroom, the 13-year-old rat silently quivering in his arms. He had never placed blame on the three of them, had never even brought up that it was them who had brought him to what would be a sadistic turning point in his life, much to Shigure's humbled relief. Old enough already to understand the way of the Sohma clan, a harsh lesson in following orders, Akito had to be obeyed. There was no blame to be placed, it was the natural order of things. At the time, he hadn't been able to focus on anything but Yuki, but now that it had been brought to his attention. . . Kyo had been somewhat oblivious to the current events going on in the household, and the two had never exactly been close. It was no wonder Yuki had never opened up to his pumpkin-haired cousin about the rape. "You don't understand anything about him."

"I understand that you're making excuses for his poor judgement, and that's bullshit. When I do something wrong, everyone jumps my ass but _darling Yuki _gets away with everything!"

"What if it wasn't his fault, Kyo? What if he didn't make the choice?"

"What do you mean?" The cat's eyebrow raised several inches, his face clouded with confusion. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"It does if you really think about it." Shigure stood, nudging the teen toward the hallway which housed he and Yuki's seperate bedrooms. "Now go to bed." _What a terrible night in the Sohma house this was. Thankfully, Tohru wasn't here to see this and be affected by it. _"And Kyo?"

"What?" The tanned male snapped, glancing back the dog with annoyance.

"If you really don't hate Yuki's guts, and I highly suspect that you don't, then I would suggest finding some way to apologize for the things you said to him tonight."

Kyo stared at him for a few moments before answering. "You don't know shit about whether I hate him or not."

"I'm afraid I do, though. And I know that both of you are making a mistake in rejecting what you're feeling because you're both cowards."

"I'm not a coward!" He snapped. "And I don't feel anything for him!" He lied, belatedly. But the panic trickled through his chest at the look on the brunette's face. _He knows._

"Who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?" Shigure questioned softly, before leaving to his own bedroom.

"Know-it-all asshole." He muttered under his breath. But on the way back to his room, he could hear Yuki crying quietly and hopelessly. Swamped with guilt, he could count the number of times he remembered Yuki ever crying even when they had been young children, on one hand. Kyo pointedly hurried past the door and into his own room, where he could hear nothing but the breeze whipping through his open window. Had his words really affected the rat that much? Admittedly, he had wanted them to. Wanted to punish the silver-haired boy for making him ache and crave and fantasize. For making him realize that no matter if he did have feelings for him or not, he was just the revolting cat. He had wanted to make him feel worthless and hideous and abhorrent. _And for what? Because he won't be with you the way you want him to? _Who could blame him? Why would someone as well-liked and beautiful as Yuki even think about being with someone like him?

_What if it wasn't his fault, Kyo? What if he didn't make the choice? _Shigure's words haunted him, making him growl. Whatever the damn dog was talking about, it wasn't his problem. Yuki wasn't his problem, and never would be.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Feeling as though his emotions were finally spent, in the form of fat tears now soaking little blots in his blanket, Yuki stared sorrowfully out of his window at the mockingly bright moon. Though still violently shaking, he calmly blew out a breath, and dragged himself to his mirror, running a brush through his mussed locks. Taking some perverse comfort in the ritual, he sat back down on the bed, resisting the urge to rub at his sore eyes, knowing they would be red and puffy for hours. _Worrying about your looks at a time like this? You really are just a vain snob after all, hm Yuki? _

"No." He corrected himself in spite of the old superstition that answering yourself was what really meant you were crazy. There was nothing left for him to do or say, he realized, having wept his own broke heart out into his pillow like an angsty, suicidal teenager. How pathetic.

As if some unrequited crush was the worst thing in the world. It was laughable, really. With all of the things he had suffered in his life, Akito's varying degrees of torture, and being completely neglected by his older brother for the first half of his life were a lot more emotionally damning than something like this.

_People live through broken hearts all the time, _he assured himself. He was being completely ridiculous, letting some lamentable attraction overtake his emotions so effectively. Losing his control and becoming so emotionally exposed was simply a result of bottling up his feelings for so long, and it wouldn't happen again. He wouldn't shed another damn tear in front of Kyo, no matter what happened. He was a masochistic fool anyway, for even letting himself think about someone like Kyo that way. Had he really even thought for a second that anything between them could be romantic, or even _civil_?

And if the cat thought he was a whore, then so be it. _He doesn't deserve the truth_. Feeling the familiar sensation of shame, black and greasy roll up from his stomach to his throat, Yuki stared defiantly out the window. He would rather the cat believe him to be some promiscuous nymphomaniac than to know the truth. The screaming and blood and crying. Being a victim. Helpless to do anything now but conform to the complete invasion of his body and self, knowing how much easier it was just to do what Akito wanted. Look the way he wanted, make the sounds he wanted to hear, hold his tears back and project himself somewhere else to keep from slowly dying inside. And be unspeakably grateful when it was over, but still always looking over your shoulder, knowing and wondering when the next time would be. Afraid to start building the shattered pieces of your psyche back up, a useless endeavor when you know you'll just be a shivering mass of wrecked fervor and mental state the very next time.

Groaning at the onslaught of malignant memories, Yuki pulled his covers over his head as if to ward away the world and light. Exhausted from his purge of tears, his eyes slid closed and allowed him to fall asleep.

**As for Akito's age, it is never mentioned in the anime or manga but everything I found said early twenties at the same time Yuki was 16, so for my story I will say Akito is 6 years older than him. Review!**


	3. Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, I'm pumping this thing out in no time! I really missed writing. . . **

**Warning**** - This chapter is pretty fucked up, even for me. If noncon and man/boy sex bothers you, you're going to want to avoid this. I mean, I didn't get like **_**crazy**_** with it, but if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, this chapter is not for you.**

Still gangly with puberty, made up of coltish legs and a narrow torso, Yuki's vision darted around the dark room in complete paranoia.

Having been left here by his older brother and two eldest cousins, the rat was acutely aware that he was here for something unspeakingly menacing. Being young did not equivocate being stupid, and the frenetic looks on the older male's faces had promised he was in for something terrible. Yuki had questioned Hatori, who had looked the most affected, his brown eyes brimming with repugnance. When the medical student had remained silent, face stoic in the wake of what he considered commiting unspeakable acts to the feminine-looking boy, Yuki had known. Or he thought he had. What it had really been was above and beyond any horrors his innocent and naive mind could conjure up.

He hadn't even bothered to try and get information from Ayame, knowing it would be nothing but a futile failure. After all, the man barely spoke to him under normal circumstances, and this was anything but normal.

He had begged, his voice still childish in tone, his small hands wringing together nervously. "At least tell me where we're going! I can take it!" He promised, lower lip trembling, counteracting his claim that he could handle whatever they told him. "I'm so scared." He had confessed, eyes shimmering with worry.

In the end, he had gotten no explanation from the young doctor, either. But he hadn't been able to see the mangled cigarette in the man's right hand, the way he had clenched his fist so hard it had crushed the item to bits, the edges of his fingertips digging into his skin to keep him from screaming out loud.

"Yuki, don't look so frightened. It's a bit of a snub, and it doesn't suit you at all." Akito criticized, emerging from the shadows where he had been hiding, watching the boy's skittish movements.

"Sorry, Akito." He apologized automatically, trying to look composed instead of startled. The ingrained habit of subconsciously wanting to please the head of the family caused him to smooth out his white dress shirt and black pants. "I didn't see you there."

"But I see you." Yuki wasn't sure how to respond to that, but the suggestive tone made him feel a bit uneasy. That wasn't the fakely happy, patronizing tone grown-ups used to talk to people his age.

"Is that a good thing?" He questioned naively, glancing down self-consciously at himself.

The 19-year old grinned, eyes sharp. "Depends on your point of view, I suppose." He glided silently across the room, sitting on the large, satin-covered bed, patting the spot beside him.

Yuki ignored the flutter in his chest, the warning your body gives you when it knows you are putting yourself in imminent danger, having been taught from birth never to displease the older brunette, and to obey even his most frivolous wishes. Sitting carefully, he eyed the 'God' warily, but didn't speak.

"You really do take after Ayame, you know. So delicate and beautiful." Akito realized thoughtfully, cupping the rat's chin, tilting the boy's head side-to-side as if giving it a thorough inspection. At Yuki's expression of disdain, he chuckled slightly. "Ah, I forgot. The two of you don't get along."

"He hates me." Yuki corrected him softly.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"It's obvious. He doesn't even acknowledge me."

"I acknowledge you." The answer stopped Yuki cold, his brows furrowing over lilac orbs clouded with confusion. His pulse sped up slightly, panic only a slight tickle in his throat at this point. But the way Akito's eyes stared into his made him feel more exposed than he had realized was possible.

"I don't understand what you mean." He admitted, eyes widening when the man leaned in toward him, so close that their exhaled breaths mingled together. "Akito!" He gasped involuntarily, jerking back. The man's arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him in place.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before, Yuki?"

"O-of course not!" He denied, blushing wildly at the thought. The 'God's hand twitched on his chin, his eyes flashing once with a wicked lust.

"Pretty _and_ innocent. A dangerous combination." He smirked, purposely bypassing the soft pink lips and nipping at the boy's ear. Yuki's hand flew up, gripping the older male's, trying half-heartedly to tug it off his face.

"Akito, what are you doing?" He asked weakly, his heart pounding a rabbit's pace against his ribcage. He struggled timidly, torn between knowing he was supposed to do whatever Akito wanted, and knowing this was by no means an appropriate activity between an adult and a young teenager. The feeling of the the larger hand under his shirt, groping him was terrifying, his struggles becoming more panicked and catchy. "I- We- We can't!" He opposed, unwittingly fueling the sadistic man's arousal. His face was flushed pale except for the streak of cherry brushed over his cheeks and nose, part embarrassment and part adrenaline, his full lips forming a perfect 'o'.

"Mm. . . Your voice drives me insane. I'm going to enjoy it while I'm fucking you." The terminology shocked his innocent child's ears so much that his hand dropped limply to his own lap, his wiggling ceasing completely as he was layed back rather roughly onto the bed. "Don't make this difficult, Yuki. I'm going to have you, silent or screaming." Straddling the slim body, he made sure his pulsing erection as pressed firmly against the boy's thigh. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

In the end, it had been screaming. As much as he had willed himself not to (because even as the sensation drove him mad there was one quiet, deadly calm voice in the back of his mind that warned him not to put up too much of a fight), the unspeakable pain had been too much to bear. With his wrists braceleted in one of the head of household's strong hands, his body bucked involuntarily, seeking escape with more fervor than he could explain. The only thing he could even imagine was comparable would be something like a knife pulled straight from a flame being plunged in between his thighs.

"Ngh. . . _Yuki." _His tormentor's breath was hot and damp against his ear. His harsh and ragged breaths were gradually turning into groans, which the rat hoped meant it meant he would be _done_ soon, though he had only a vague idea of what being _done_ with sex meant. Obviously he was building up to some precipice of pleasure, but never having had a male (or female, for that matter) figure in his life to explain the birds and the bees to him, he wasn't at all sure how long that would take, or what would happen when it did. He hoped it wouldn't mean more pain for him.

It was during this very first time of being raped, that while his physical nerve endings throbbed and twitched with distress, he discovered how to separate his mental state from his physical form. It dimly occured to him even then that if he did not, if he continued to focus on the searing agony, that he would be a raving lunatic by the time this was over.

Afterwards, Akito's hands stroked down his slender form, fingers thrumming a little rhythm at various times. "I can't decide whether your silence means you're obedient, stubborn, or broken."

"Obedient." He answered dully, without looking up. It hardly hurt at all now, he noticed, knowing he should be grateful but unable to feel any emotion. Anything really, he realized, not understanding that his physical and mental state had gone into a form of shock to protect itself.

He shifted slightly, thinking for a moment that he would try and sit up, immediately changing his mind at the icy flash of pain. So _that_ wasn't numb, after all. His involuntary wince seemed to pique the head of household's interest.

"Sore?" He asked sweetly, using his hand to squeeze the boy's battered thigh.

He contemplated lying, just to be stubborn (which he supposed proved he _wasn't_ a raving lunatic, not yet anyway), but decided against it. "Just something I'll have to get used to, right?" His tone bordered on disrespect but didn't quite cross the line. Akito sat back, raising a dark brow, his smile vicious. Surprised and satisifed by the intelligence of his new toy, he hadn't had to be informed that this would not be a one-time ordeal.

"Shouldn't take long. By the third or fourth time, you might even like it. If, you know, you really _do_ take after Ayame." The reference to the snake's promiscuity and unabashed love of sex completely went over the younger sibling's head.

This widened Yuki's eyes, made him gasp. "Did you. . . Did you do this to Ayame, too?" The thought pierced through his veil of shock, his chest aching at the thought of _anyone_ having to go through such a hell-filled event. And though the snake was 4 years older than the head of household, Yuki wouldn't put it past him. Wouldn't put anything past him now. Akito's laugh was sharp, stinging the younger Sohma's ears.

"Absolutely not. You are my first, and only." He noticed with brutal predatory observance the relief that seemed to course through the boy. _How selfless, _he mused, undecided whether the weak-hearted kindness aroused him or disgusted him. "Unless. . . " He trailed off, glancing up at the ceiling.

"Unless?" Yuki asked weakly, naive child's mind easily being lured into the mental trap.

"Unless I start to get bored with you. Or I find you. . . Not to my liking. In that case, I may. . . Look elsewhere." He said vaguely, gauging the young teen's reaction. "I'm sure Momiji would be a prime candidate for this, too." In truth, he had no interest in the little blonde bundle of hyper-activity, though he was growing into a lovely teen himself.

The young rat abandoned his childhood then and there, without question, without even the presence of mind to mourn it. "What do I have to do?"

Ridiculously pleased with how easy to manipulate he was, Akito leaned forward, nipping the boy's swollen bottom lip between his teeth, lapping it with his tongue.

Yuki handled the second round of brutal penetration with much more composure, barely releasing a guttural whimper even at the most cruel pangs. This time when Akito was finished, he brushed a light kiss across the bridge of the rat's nose, much the boy's confusion.

"I'm going to draw you a bath. You will sleep here tonight, and then Hatori is going to take you." The terminology clearly frightened the boy, much to Akito's dismay. "Take you as in take you to his home so he can take care of you. _Medically." _He specified. "Do you really think I would allow someone else to touch you in that way?" He smiled condescendingly at the rat, stroking a hand over his silky hair before leaving the room, not bothering to clothe himself.

At the sound of water running into a large bathtub, Yuki sighed softly, allowing his eyes to slide closed. The inside of his thighs were slick and sticky with what he assumed was whatever had pumped out of Akito and into him, and also blood, though much less of that than the pearly white liquid. Rolling carefully onto his side, he cradled his head onto his arm, fear creeping over his skin at the thought of being asleep with Akito, but he reasoned with himself that there was little the 'God' could do to him while sleeping that he hadn't already done.

Some unknown amount of minutes later, Yuki's lavender eyes fluttered open. Much to his shock, his body was submerged in water (already tinged pink) up to his chest. Akito had carried his limp body and gently settled him in, painstakingly carefully lapping the lukewarm liquid over his body, washing away the sweat and grime from his clear, unblemished skin.

The rest of the night passed with little to no contact between them, though the seeds of fear had already been planted all-throughout the boy's psyche. He slept soundlessly, Akito's arm carelessly tossed over his chest, preventing him from rolling or moving.

The next morning, Akito forcefully shoved him out the front door, out to where Hatori stood. Yuki stumbled, slamming into the dragon, hissing in pain as they tumbled to the ground. Hatori had protectively cushioned the fall, supporting the rat's shoulder with his arm, but by the time his face whipped up, eyes blazing with rage, the door had been closed.

Wondering idly if he would simply go insane at what he imagined would be the sight of the boy's wounded eyes, the doctor forced himself to look down, heart frozen in his chest.

Yuki stared back at him in awe, considering the act of catching him a slight defiance against Akito. Scooping the effeminate teen into his arms, he carried the both of them on shaky legs to his car.

Neither Ayame nor Shigure accompanied him on this trip, had been ordered not to. Having to face and medically treat the damage he had indirectly caused was just another form of mental torture courtesy of the depraved brunette. For Akito had been watching out of his window at the trio's retreat, observing with a smirk of superiority the way the sensitive dragon had collapsed, unable to cope with consequences of what he had done. The way he had gripped Ayame's shoulders, screaming desperately at him. For someone like the 'God', who thrived on causing the other members of the zodiac nothing but grief and pain, this was an opportunity to nip what was quite obviously the potential for a romantic bond between the two of them, in the bud. In the end, he had failed to do so, but still considered the project a work-in-progress.

"Where's Ayame?" Yuki questioned softly, his voice hoarse from screaming the night before. Hatori's hand stiffened on the wheel of his car, his foot twitching on the gas pedal.

"He wasn't allowed to come. I had to come by myself."

"Why's that?"

Hatori waited a long time before answering, listening to the sound of the boy's breathing. The younger brother of the man his traitorous heart had taken a steep fall for. "Akito is a master at detecting emotions, the way certain things affect certain people. The way some people are afraid of the dark, and some are afraid of spiders." Yuki listened with avid interest, his eyes wide. "You can sense it, can't you?"

"Yes." He whispered.

"I can't live with myself." He admitted, surprised at himself for voicing the revelation. Keeping his emotions sealed in a tight cage was something Hatori was masterful of, but something about the boy had somewhat loosened the impenetrable block, if only for a moment. _Maybe it's because he favors Ayame, _the doctor pondered, thinking of the person he trusted most in the world, though he had yet to reveal his feelings to the vibrant snake. Wasn't sure if he ever would, regardless of the fact they had gone through so much together, including the treatment of the pre-cancerous cell that had latched itself into his inner torso, preventing it from mutating and growing into a lethal killer which would ravage Ayame's dynamic form, leave it shrunken and dying. Some things were better left unsaid. If he were to somehow work up the courage to admit his feelings, and they weren't returned, he would lose his friendship. That, too was something he couldn't live with.

"Live with yourself?" Yuki's voice came out ripe with disbelief. His hand trembled once on the leather seat before he stilled it, resisting the urge to lift and lay it on the man's bicep, instinctively wanting the physical contact as a form of comfort.

When he was answered with only silence, he understood that the doctor would not go into specifics about the confession, at least not yet.

The examination was just one more mind-fuck for the both of them, per the ruthless 'God'. Color flooding Yuki's face at the idea of yet another person invading his most intimate body parts, his eyes glazed with shame at the knowledge that Hatori would know everything that had been done to him. That he was damaged. The rat kept his face to the side, resolutely staring at the floor, unable to face the doctor's reaction at his ravaged innocence.

"I'll take care of you, Yuki, don't worry. There won't be any. . . Permanent damage." He said quietly, scribbling down times for appointments in his leather-bound book that he would pass on to Shigure to make sure the boy was ready each time. "For now, I'm going to have you stay in bed for a few days. No strenuous activity. You need time to heal."

"Okay." He answered, his fingers trembling only slightly as he buttoned his slim black pants back, feeling appeasement at being completely clothed again.

"I'll give you some pain medicine, something to help you sleep. . . Anti-bacterial cream. . . " He rattled off a few more things, before Yuki glanced up at him finally, relieved to see no disgust directed at him from the man.

"What about next time?" He questioned uneasily.

"Next time?" Hatori choked out roughly, hand clenching on the notebook. "Did he tell you that, Yuki? That he was going to. . . "

"Don't be mad at me." The rat whispered, leaning forward to hide his face with his mussed silver hair. "I'll let him do whatever he wants. As long as he doesn't hurt Momiji."

"Momiji?" The doctor hissed. "He threatened to do this to him, if you didn't cooperate?"

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!" Yuki cried, flying up off the bed to grip the man's shoulders, similar to what he himself had done to Ayame. "I can't stand it, Hatori. I don't want Momiji knowing what Akito said, I don't want him to even know that kind of thing exists. _Please._"

"I didn't want you to know, either." He whispered hoarsely, hate for Akito bubbling through him.

"It's too late for that." Yuki replied sensibly. "All we can do now is protect who's left." He hesitated, hating the idea of using a back-handed method to get what he wanted, but couldn't resist. "I know your secret. I'll keep it. I'll keep everything, as long you keep mine."

"My secret?"

"You love my brother." At the doctor's blanched look, the boy rushed on, positive now. "I knew that you did. You love him, but you don't want him to know."

"Yuki, I won't lie to you. But what we are dealing with here goes far beyond me being in love with your brother."

"No. It's all the same." He denied, shaking his head. "All just secrets in the Sohma family. Always hiding in the shadows, always pretending, keeping secrets. Hiding your love for fear of rejection. Hiding your emotions so Akito can't use them against you, can't hurt the person you love. Faking friendships, faking everything. Faking life. It's only two more lies, Hatori."

The man sighed, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. "You're too young to be so cynical." _Just one more fucking strand in the tangled web of the Sohma family, _he realized bitterly. _One more life destroyed. Oh, what a tangled web we weave._

"I'm not young anymore." Yuki replied with only a hint of sadness.

"Then you're old enough to make your own decisions. Shigure and Aya already know. But nobody else will, until you are ready for them to. Not about what he did to you, and not about Momiji."

"Thank you." He nodded once, calm now. "And thank you for looking out for me. I know it's only because of Ayame, but-" He broke off, gasping when Hatori grabbed his hands with lightning speed, squeezing roughly.

"Don't say that, Yuki. Don't ever say it. I love you. I know we haven't seen each other much in the past few years, and. . . I know Ayame hasn't been there for you, either. But. . . When I had to bring you to him. . . And leave you there, knowing what would happen. I died that day." He pressed a hand to his stomach, willing the nausea away. "I'm afraid I won't ever be able to come back to life."

"Ayame will bring you back." Yuki promised, his young wisdom shocking the doctor beyond words.

"Perhaps you're right." He nodded once, the ghost of a smile grazing his lips. "I. . . I'm certain someone will bring you back one day too, Yuki. You just have to wait."

_No-one will want me after what Akito did, _Yuki thought, but kept the thought to himself.

"You'll come back here for a follow-up examination in 3 days." The doctor decided. They didn't speak another word about the boy's injuries, or what had happened. When Hatori dropped him off at his home, shared with Kyo and Shigur, they only exchanged polite, impersonal goodbyes. Only when the two of them were completely alone did they dare show their platonic feelings for each other.

Because they both understood without even voicing it that if Akito were ever to find out the comfort the two of them had inadvertently found in each other, he would find a way to twist into grief and sorrow and pain.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He shot up in bed, eyes huge and glassy, his hand pushing urgently against his chest, as if trying to will his breath to come out in greater quantities. It clogged in his lungs for a split second, before his stomach ascended up into his throat like a snapped rubber band. He scrambled out of bed, the blankets flying in his haste, barely making into the bathroom in time to crumple down in front of the porcelain lip, the contents of their dinner, hours before, spewing from him.

"Hatori?" Ayame, naked as the day he had been born, leaned against the doorframe to their bathroom, unsure of whether to enter or not. Hatori was oddly open about some things, but fastidiously discreet about others. "Is there anything I can do?" He questioned softly, slightly disturbed by the lack of his husband's answer.

The dragon groaned, flushing without ceremony and stood shakily, leaning this time over the sink to wash his mouth out with the flowing tapwater. "I didn't mean to wake you." He finally answered.

"It's fine." Ayame stroked a soft hand down the man's curved spine, hugging him from behind, his cool chest and belly soothing to the man's heated skin. "Come back to bed, I'll rub your back for you." He offered. Hatori turned suddenly, desperate for something to combat the feelings of horror and resentment and contempt, taking his husband into his arms and pressing his face into the thick locks of fragrant, crystalline hair.

"What's this?" The snake asked, a serene smile gracing his lips, but his eyes were solemn. He knew from experience that Hatori's loving moods were somewhat rare, and usually only occured when he was trying to get over a particularly bad day at work, failed surgery on a child or something of that nature.

"Just touch me. I need you to." The man choked out, mouth skimming kisses over Ayame's bare shoulder.

With those delightfully pleasing words humming in the arrogant snake's head, he wrapped one pale, flexible leg around his husband's waist, allowing himself to be hitched up and pressed against the chilly bathroom wall.

**This chapter didn't turn out the way I wanted it, but I couldn't work on it anymore, had to move on. . . It DID however make me realize that I would also like to do a companion fic focusing on Hatori and Aya, maybe just a few chapters, explaining the back story on them and telling the full parts of the events it only mentions in the other fics. . . Review and let me know how I did, not proud of this one -.-; **


	4. As Restless As We Are, We Feel The Pull

Terra-colored eyes opened groggily, much to the dismay of their owner. Kyo had only caught quick bites and snatches of sleep throughout the night, the guilt burning a hole in his stomach.

The sun was up, though just barely, the sky still pale and watery. "Damn it." He moaned, rubbing his face into his pillow before sitting up begrudgingly. Well, at the very least he could get a little exercise in before starting his day. Stretching slightly, he stepped over the pile of his clothes from the day before, only snatching a pair of boxers from the clean pile, halfheartedly tugging them up his legs.

Stumbling out of his bedroom door, he headed immediately to the bathroom, wanting to brush the stale taste of self-condemnation off his teeth and tongue.

Before his outreached hand could even touch the knob, it twisted on it's own, Yuki's body emerging from the room, followed by a thick cloud of steam from his shower, dressed in his usual - a traditional Chinese shirt, today was a white silk with pale gold embroidered around the collar.

Their eyes locked for several seconds before the cat cleared his throat awkwardly. "Are you done in there?" He asked impatiently, giving the rat the impression that he had been waiting for awhile. Yuki stared pointedly at the tanned male's handsome face, though in his peripherals it was painfully obvious that he was only wearing a pair of plaid boxers, the waistline of which clung tediously low on his hips.

"My apologies, I didn't know anyone would be up this early." He answered stiffly, retreating to his room.

Kyo watched his retreating back, nearly biting his tongue in half to keep the snarky comment from coming out. "Next time, just use the hose outside, then." Damn it.

Yuki turned slowly, eyes narrowed,his fist clenching in supressed anger. "Next time, just come in."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Kyo snapped, feeling his skin heat at the implication.

"Whenever you're feeling bold enough, Kyo."

"Big words for someone like you."

"Oh, sorry. I forgot that you're not very good with vocabulary. I didn't mean to condescend to you."

"I don't understand what everyone sees in you." Kyo scowled, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation, shaking his head. He intended to walk into the bathroom and close the door with a satisfying _slam,_ effectively ending their conversation. The rat's next words froze him in his tracks.

"Neither do I." There, that unguarded voice again. The same one he had used when reminding Ayame about his scars. It crept from his ears to his chest, giving him chills. Their eyes met and locked again, but this time Kyo stared, _really_ stared.

"I. . . " He hesitated, feeling anxiety swirl in his blood. "I was just kidding, Yuki."

"No." He answered, shaking his head slightly. "I know exactly how you feel. I would hate me if I were you, too."

Kyo's jaw dropped slightly at the answer. "No!" He exclaimed with such veracity that the rat flinched, startled. "I don't hate you, Yuki."

The words seemed to affect the purple-eyed Sohma physically, his cheeks flooding pink, his breathing becoming shallow. With a tiny noise in his throat, he whirled on his heel, seeking escape from the situation. It reminded Kyo too much of the night before, too much of the same feelings of guilt and confusion and frustration. Too much of Yuki's beautifully wide eyes wounded and bitter.

His hand flew out, snatching Yuki's wrist before the rat could get far enough away. Startled, he froze, staring straight ahead. The feel of the cat's fingers gripping his bare skin, firm but still somehow painfully tender caused his blush to deepen and spread from his cheeks all throughout his body.

Slowly, the miliseconds seeming like hours, he turned back to face his cousin. Kyo's face was deadly serious, his eyes burning with intensity. "I meant it, Yuki. Nobody hates you."

"I hate myself." The words tumbled out, much to his embarrassment. what was about the rough cat that made his chest ache with something he had never felt before? What was the feeling? Despair, a longing so deep it sliced into him, and the desperate need for Kyo to know him. _Really _know him.

The orange-haired boy took one agonizing step toward him, then another, still ensnaring the narrow wrist, where the pulse was beating a frantic melody. They were inches apart now, eyes still connected with a palpable tension. "Your eyes are hypnotizing me, like always. . ." Kyo admitted, embarrassed at the poetic words, surprised for the fact that they had come from his own brain, and the fact that they had somehow wiggled their way out his mouth. The hand not holding the rat's arm ascended gently, just _barely_ skimming a strand of smoky locks. "I try not to look at them, but. . ."

"Good morning, gentlemen!" Shigure's sing-song voice called out to them from the living room, around the corner, sounding as though he had just exited his bedroom. "I hope you're awaaake, Yuki! Ayame just called me, and he's _so_ excited for your little meeting today! Are you getting rea-" The dog turned the corner into the hallway, where the two teens had broken apart hastily. The dog's eyes narrowed, a smile slowly tugging his lips up. They were both panting slightly, Yuki's pale skin glowing pink. Even from his distance, he could see both their eyes dilated with lust.

"Y-yes. I'll be ready for him." Yuki answered, his voice roughened slightly with arousal, a tell-tale sign. He squeezed his eyes closed in embarrassment, trying to take deep, steady breaths.

Shigure's smile grew to a wide, toothy grin. "Are two of you feeling alright? You look flushed."

He was answered only with two slammed doors. Repressing the urge to laugh, he stumbled back into his bedroom, snatching the phone off the hook to dial Ayame.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sweat poured off him in waves, his muscles gleaming with the effort of his body. Fists ricocheted off the training dummy, a haphazard dance of limbs striking the right spots at the right speed. Satisifed with his progress and the ache in his arms and abdomen, Kyo leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, allowing the cool summer breeze to give him a moment of pleasure. His sexual frustrations were becoming unbearable, and the only outlet was either this, or taking care of it himself. Which was usually satisfactory, in his opinion, except for the fact that he could still feel the rat's skin and hair on his fingertips, both as sleek as silk. He knew all he would think about during would be Yuki, which would only result in more aching and arousal and longing. _Vicious cycle, _he mused. _Damn rat, always looking so fuckable._ _It's like he does it on purpose just to torture me._

"Yuki is inside?" A dull voice from behind him asked, making him turn. Kyo frowned, the pronounced spark of jealousy surprising him as he stared at Yuki's self-proclaimed admirer.

"Don't bother." Kyo retorted. "He's going to Ayame's shop today to. . . Help him with something."

"I know. I'm here to take him there." Haru answered matter-of-factly, sidestepping the cat to walk toward the house.

"Wait!" The ginger-haired male snapped, blocking the cow's way again. "You're taking Yuki to Ayame's shop today?" He asked incredulously, eyes blazing with resentfulness. Yuki was going to Ayame's today to try on that stupid skimpy little outfit, and if Haru was going with them, then that meant. . . _Oh, fuck that shit._

"That's what I just said, isn't it?"

"You can't! It's, uh. . . Private, you know." He struggled with the wording. Anything to keep Haru from seeing Yuki like that. _I'll kill him first, _he thought begrudgingly.

Haru gave him a long, level look before tilting his head curiously. "What are you even talking about, idiot? Ayame asked me to do this."

"What!?" Kyo snarled. He glanced to the side, noting one of Ayame's vehicles for the shop was parked in the drive, a tuxedo-clad driver waiting patiently. "That stupid snake sent you?"

"He told me that Yuki's nervous, and had a rough night. He thought it might be easier on him if he didn't have to come alone, and he's busy getting things together." Haru replied, his chest puffing out with pride at the fact that Aya had considered him a good candidate for cheering the gorgeous rat up. "Now move out of my way."

Kyo considered for a moment, and decided for honesty. "You need to leave."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want you hanging around Yuki anymore."

Haru stared at him again for several moments, before speaking again, raising his hands passively. "Look, Kyo. I don't know what you're going through right now, but I didn't come here to fight you. Just get out of the way, I have to get Yuki to Ayame."

"Didn't you hear me?" Kyo repeated quietly, eyes narrowing. "Just get the fuck out of here, Haru!"

"Didn't _you_ hear _me_, you braindead fucking cat?" The gothic teenager snarled, eyes finally flashing like marcasite, having been sufficiently provoked. "You're not keeping me from Yuki, you meddling asshole. Whatever issues you have, I don't give a shit."

"I'm going to kill you!" The cat snarled, fist flying out searching for purchase in his cousin's face. The cow caught it, smiling arrogantly. Kyo tackled him, throwing his body full-force forward, their forms sliding in the dirt, grappling.

"What the fuck is your problem, anyway!?" Haru managed to growl out, panting with the effort of keeping the cat from pummeling him. They were pretty evenly matched. The question seemed to distract Kyo though, as the cow was able to sink his fist into the pumpkin-eyed teen's stomach. In response, Kyo's foot caught his torso, kicking him forcefully up and away, landing a few feet back. They both scrambled to their feet, panting, eyeing each other like boxers in the ring.

"My problem is _you_ coming in my house like you own the world, taking Yuki out like you're some kind of gentleman, and-"

"This is about Yuki!?" Haru interrupted incredulously, huffing in amusement, shaking his head.

"I didn't say that!" Kyo denied, baring his teeth. His abdomen hurt like fire. _Fucking cheap shot_, he growled in his mind, unable to bear the humiliation of it.

The other teen stopped suddenly, running a hand through his two-toned hair, before giving the cat a look of patronizing superiority. "Are you saying there's something between the two of you?"

Kyo hesitated slightly, wanting to lie and oversell it, to hurt the cow, whose crush for the rat was public and flamboyant. ". . . No, not really."

"So then you're saying you have some kind of claim staked on him?" He laughed cockily, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe I am." Kyo challenged, eyes shining with anger. Haru stopped laughing abruptly, leaning forward so their faces were inches apart.

"Don't think for a fucking minute that you're good enough for him. I don't care how many wet dreams you've had, or how many times you imagined him giving you some _look_." He stated crudely. "He's miles and miles out of your league."

"And you think you're on his level?" Kyo scowled, his rage slowly waning. He still couldn't stand the arrogant bastard, but he did have a point.

"I'm closer than you." He hissed, straightening his punk-style leather jacket deliberately.

"This conversation never happened." Kyo warned him, eyes narrowed.

"I wouldn't dream of it, _kitten_." He answered sarcastically, heading into the house. Kyo hesitated for a moment, then followed him.

"Ah, hello Haru!" Shigure said happily, sipping his coffee. "It's good to see you! Would you like come coffee?" His overly-friendly attitude made Kyo frown. What the hell was the dog playing at?

"No, thank you." He answered politely. His eyes had settled back to their slate gray, placid and calm. Both the cat and cow watched as Yuki entered the room, fingers nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Yuki." Haru crossed the room smoothly, taking the rat's twitching hand and bringing the knuckles to his lips lightly, a common greeting between the two of them, but this time it made Kyo's skin crawl.

"Good morning, Haru." Yuki replied rather absently, not noticing Kyo's scowl, or the way he was staring the two of them down like a hawk.

"So you know he's here to take you to Ayame's, right!?" Kyo burst out angrily.

"Oh." Yuki blinked, glancing at the cat distractedly. "Yes, Aya called me just a few minutes ago and told me. Thank you, it's kind of you to cancel your plans just for me."

"Anything for you." Haru replied sleekly, lacing their fingers together, tugging him slightly toward the door. "Aya is waiting, you know."

"Right." Yuki smiled a little. He was nervous, but it was true that being with Haru did calm his nerves somewhat. The cow may be a bit too flirty, even downright perverted when his 'black' side came out, but overall his gentlemanly and accomodating personality was like balm to the rat's battered ego and psyche. As long as he didn't get _too_ touchy (Which had only happened a few times), then it suited Yuki just fine. "I was thinking afterwards, we could get some lunch in the city."

"Yes, alright." Yuki agreed pleasantly, allowing himself to bed led by the hand, the cow's other hand resting gently on the small of his back.

Kyo bit back his words at the sight of them walking out of the door, repressing a snarl as the cow held the door open for the breathtaking teen, and closed it softly behind him.

"Your jealousy is showing." Shigure remarked in an annoying voice, hiding his smirk behind the rim of his coffee mug.

"Shut up! There's nothing to be jealous over!"

"You think? Haru is handsome, after all. And Yuki seems rather comfortable with him."

"I meant there's nothing to be jealous over because I don't care what Yuki does, or with who!"

"So if he and Haru have a lovely little outing today, and Yuki comes back with the lustful look in his eyes that he was giving you this morning?"

"Mind your own business!" He slammed his fists down on the table. "Damn it!" He roared, to no-one in particular.

"Then again, one can be comfortable in a pair of house slippers." Shigure commented, taking pity on the conflicted cat. "When you find yourself feeling distinctly _uncomfortable _in regards to a certain person, that is usually when a romance forms."

Kyo glared at him. "Like you'd know anything about romance. You lust after anything pretty, man or woman."

"Lust isn't romance." The brunette reminded him. "And I am, after all, a writer of romance." He hesitated, before setting the mug down and sighing. "I meant what I said last night, Kyo."

"About?" He eyed the man critically, suspicious of the dog's sudden serious tone.

"You're being a coward."

"You have no idea how I feel." He finally relented, weary of the pretense. It was more than obvious the idiotic brown-eyed man knew exactly how he felt about the rat.

"Need someone to vent to?" He asked, the serious tone remaining in place. As much as he teased and tormented his younger cousins, he knew it was his responsibility to take care of them.

Kyo groaned, laying his forehead onto the table. "It's stupid."

"Even so." He offered.

"How am I even supposed to approach him like that?" He asked loudly. "So hey yeah, I know you're extremely good-looking and popular and everything, but if you ever feel like slumming it, I'm here."

Shigure sighed, resting his chin on his hand, giving the cat a somewhat tender look of haughtiness. "Is that really what's holding you back? Social status? I think we both know that kind of thing doesn't matter when two people have real feelings for one another."

"It _does_ matter. And I don't even know if he feels the same way. Why would he?"

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Because. . . " Kyo shook his head, frowning. "Because! I'm an idiot, no matter how hard I study I still only make average grades. People worship him, Shigure, you have no idea. Almost every girl or guy in our class wants to date him."

"Does he seem interested in them?" Shigure asked logically.

"That's not the point!" Kyo bristled at the patronizing tone. "It's stupid to think that he would pick me over all of them."

"But you're one of the only people who has a chance of understanding him, Kyo. And vise versa."

"He'll never understand me." He replied bitterly.

"What don't you think he'll understand?" Shigure asked, treading carefully. He wouldn't be the one to spill Yuki's secret about Akito's abuse, knowing how important it was to him.

"The curse." Kyo said flatly.

"He's seen you in that form before."

"Seeing isn't like understanding." He explained. "It's like . . . Shigure?"

"Hm?"

` "You won't tell anyone about this. Aya, or anyone. Right?"

"You have my word." The man promised, and intended to keep it. Ayame would go on with whatever plots he was scheming to get the two of them together, anyway. Kyo's inner torment didn't need to contribute to that.

He continued, seeming reassured. "When people look at me, I feel like they know. Not about the curse, obviously, that's a secret of the Sohma. But I feel like they can tell something is wrong about me. Like there is something dark and disgusting in me. Even perfect strangers." When Shigure didn't answer, he kept talking, surprised at how much he was omitting. It had been so long since he could open up to someone. . . "And then when it's someone in the family, it's almost worse. Because they really do know. They know repulsive it is. Yuki knows."

"He told you that he is repulsed by you?"

"No." Kyo laughed a little, softly, but it was caustic. "You know he wouldn't just say something like that to me, even if I provoked him. His manners."

"Oh, I don't know. I've heard some pretty colorful things come out of his mouth lately, especially when he was feeling moody." The dog answered, eyes twinkling.

"Well, at any rate. I mean, I know he has problems, don't get me wrong. With Akito locking him up and everything." Kyo said, eyes downcast. "I just mean he can't really understand how I feel sometimes. Just so. . . Filthy. And disgusting and like nobody could ever love me or even tolerate me knowing about the curse."

Shigure closed his eyes serenely, amazed at the similarities in the things Yuki had confessed to him those years ago, the way he felt about being a rape victim. "You may be surprised,if you talk to him about it."

"No. I can't. It's too humiliating."

"What is?" Shigure asked sharply, leaning forward.

"Telling him all this shit, then. . . What if he just looks at me like. . ." He trailed off. "I just can't live with it." He finished, standing suddenly. "Fucking Haru. Asshole." He spat, glaring at the front door as if his thoughts could reach them.

"In his defense, he did see Yuki first. In the figurative sense." The dog explained, smiling. "Technically, you're hunting on his grounds."

"Yuki isn't some deer!" Kyo growled, eyes flashing. "I'm not hunting anything!"

"I'm sure he feels the same way."

"Are you trying not to make me feel guilty?!" He asked, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"Not at all. Just reminding you not to be so hard on Haru. He feels the same way you do, you know. The both of you are in the same boat. The only difference is, that he'll never actually get to have Yuki."

"Neither will I."

Shigure only gave him a cheeky pat on the head, making him snarl in response.

** I love jealous semes(: Review!**


	5. This Could Be The End of Everything

Yuki stared at himself in Ayame's full-length three-way mirrors, subconciously tugging the outfit so it could cover more. Ayame sighed, and pulled it back into place, giving it a look of someone who had recently been tousled by a lover.

"It's actually not too revealing." The rat admitted. Still, it was overtly sexual and provocative. He felt like he was looking at a stranger.

"It's not meant to be." The snake explained, frowning, taking notes on the fit and measurements. The top piece was more like an oversized shirt, in Yuki's opinion. It was long sleeved, but the cut and design caused it to constantly slide down his arm, revealing his collarbone and narrow shoulder. But what the top lacked in revealing skin, the bottom made up for in spades. It was basically a strip of fabric, calling itself a pair of shorts, Yuki mused, amazed it even covered him completely. When he turned around to eye himself critically, he noted with slight alarm that the shorts revealed a good portion of his ass. "It's supposed to make you look delicate and fragile." Both pieces were virginal white, accenting his alabastor thighs, and the strip of his stomach that showed underneath the abruptly halting hemline of the shirt.

"I look like a 12-year-old whore."

"That would be the point." Ayame answered distractedly, frantically scribbling notes which Yuki assumed were regarding what kind of lighting, make-up, etc the designer was wanting for the shoot.

"So you really are pandering to pedophiles." Yuki realized, brows furrowing. He shook his head once in instant denial. "I can't be a part of something like that, Aya." He sighed, insecurity flooding through him like a tidal wave.

Ayame looked up from his notes, an irked expression in his eyes. "Yuki. You really are judging me now." The younger Sohma blushed slightly, feeling a bit remorseful, but had to stand firm.

"I. . . I can't encourage something like this. I can't imagine another child going through what I went through."

"Yuki." Ayame laid his notebook down on the desk, laying his hands gently on the boy's shoulders. "There are men who have fetishes for young boys, no matter if we encourage it or not. If a man wants the fantasy of taking a young boy, something like this will keep it a fantasy, and stop him from acting it out on a real child."

Yuki's eyes widened as he absorbed the fact. "Do you really think so?" He asked meekly, glancing back at himself in the mirrors.

"Of course." He answered, taking a step back, eyeing the teen from head to toe. "Your body looks fantastic, Yuki." He commented, pleased that his work would be so well represented.

The rat blinked in surprise, feeling his cheeks go pink. "Thank you, Ayame."

"God, that attitude is so perfect for this outfit." He made a happy little noise in his throat.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you're supposed to look innocent and submissive and naive. Which will be incredibly easy to stage, considering you blush at even the most offhanded compliment."

"Excuse me for being susceptible to flattery." Yuki said flatly, frowning. "You're so conceited that praise and criticisms just bounce right off you."

"The perks of being beautiful for as long as I have." He answered, tossing his hair back arrogantly. "Just give it a few years, you'll understand."

Yuki rolled his eyes in response, but cleared his throat softly, wanting to make the question seem casual. "So. . . You always felt confident?"

"Always?" Ayame considered, tapping his lips with his finger in thought. "For as long as I can remember, at the very least."

"I. . . " Yuki paused, remembering. "I remember before you and Ha'ri were together. But you always knew you loved him, didn't you?"

"I did."

"You didn't ever worry that he might not. . . Feel the same way as you?"

Ayame turned away, hoping his younger brother hadn't seen the gleeful victory sparkling in his eyes. It was clear, to the perverse snake at least, that the rat was seeking advice on his feelings toward Kyo. "I might have considered it. But I loved him so much, Yuki. I felt like I would burst with it." He smiled a bit at the memory. 24 years old, already financially stable, and cocky as hell with it. Hatori's normally neutral expression conveying shock and lust at coming home to his modest apartment to find his friend wearing nothing but a look of self-assured sex appeal. "It's hard keeping your feelings inside, isn't it?"

"Mm." Yuki made a little noise of agreement, lulled into complacency by Ayame's romantic anecdote about the dragon, picking up the neatly folded pile of his clothing and holding it against his chest. Catching himself almost instantly, he straightened, composing himself. "I imagine it would be."

"You don't know?" The snake asked innocently, politely turning his back for his younger brother to dress. "There aren't any feelings you have that you're hiding?"

"If there were, they would be hidden for a reason." The teen remarked diplomatically, neither confirming nor denying the question, but his heartbeat sped up at the thought of his secret being exposed.

Ayame huffed impatiently, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, are you saying you can't trust me?"

"Of course not." Yuki felt infinitely more comfortable in his street clothes, fastidiously folding the bright white pieces and handing them to the snake. "Why are you so sure I'm hiding something?" He asked, chewing on his bottom lip in anxiety.

"Oh, no! I didn't mean it like that!" Suddenly all sunny smiles, Ayame raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, palms out. "Just teasing!" He lied, noted the younger sibling's face relax slightly. He recognized Yuki as the frightenened little mouse he was, knowing if he came on too strong that the teen would skitter away. "Anyway, all I was saying. . . About Ha'ri. Movies and books and things make it seem like this huge revelation, but it is different for everyone."

"Meaning?" Yuki asked skeptically, leaning back against the desk, watching his brother with guarded eyes. It wasn't often Ayame spoke with such serenity, and the rat tended to listen when he did.

"Hard to explain, I suppose." He answered thoughtfully, wishing Hatori had been there. He was always better at phrasing things eloquently, especially for someone like Yuki. "For someone like Hatori. . . He's always so calm and serious, in control of things. When we would kiss, or touch, or-"

"I get it." Yuki said quickly, blushing. Ayame's stories regarding he and Ha'ri often got out of control quickly.

"Right." The snake smiled a little at his brother's shyness. "When we would do those things, it. . . _Strained _his control." Ayame decided on the word delicately, not wanting to anger the rat by embarrassing him further. "Suddenly, he wasn't so indifferent and cold. He was warm, and passionate. Demanding, even. Feeling strongly for someone challenges you to be something that nothing else makes you feel. Do you understand, Yuki?"

"Um. Yes." Yuki's eyes were wide in realization, memories of Kyo flashing through his mind like an erotic film reel. Kyo, whose temperament was so explosive, who raised his voice more often than speaking in a whisper. As far as Yuki had seen, there wasn't a tender, caring bone in the cat's body. _But. . . The way he looked at me today. _The way his calloused hand had stroked, gentle as a butterfly wing, down his silvery bangs. The way Hatori's passion caused his normally passive personality to become demanding, maybe it was the opposite for Kyo. . . Maybe his typical capricious attitude became considerate and tender. . . _Because he has feelings for me like Ha'ri has for Aya. . ._ The epiphany caused him to gasp, his hand fisting at his chest.

"Something wrong?" Ayame asked with genuine concern, hair cascading behind him as he flew forward to look into his brother's eyes, critically searching for a clue to his sudden alarm.

"No!" Yuki denied, shaking his head wildly, ignoring the heat he felt radiating from his skin, knowing he had to be bright red. He laughed a little, hysteria creeping over him, before composing himself. "No, really. I'm sorry, Aya. I'm feeling poorly because I didn't get very much sleep last night. Forgive me."

". . . Alright, then." The snake agreed carefully, frowning slightly. "Well, so do I take this as an affirmation that you'll model for me tomorrow?"

"Yes, fine. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He nodded once before rushing out of the door to the snake's private office, to the shop section of the building, where Haru waited for him, giving him a polite smile in greeting, before noticing the distressed look on his face.

"Yuki?" He asked, holding out a hand to stop him, but the violet-eyed teen rushed past him, panting slightly. He only stopped running when he burst through the door to the outside, breathing in the fresh air, the mild strike of claustrophobia receeding quickly. "Yuki, are you alright?" Haru caught up with him after a few seconds, closing the door to the store carefully, touching a hand to the rat's shoulder lightly.

"Don't worry about me, please. Sorry to have caused you any trouble." He answered, regretful of the way he had worried the cow. "I was just. . . I needed air. And I'm not feeling well."

"Your asthma?"

"Maybe."

"Well, maybe you should just rest for awhile. Aya said a driver will take us home when we're done in the city."

"Maybe I should just rest at home. . . " He pondered aloud, blinking in surprise when Haru suddenly wrapped him in a hug, squeezing him tightly, as if he couldn't bear to let go.

"You promised me we'd spend some time together today. Don't break my heart." He said softly, his mouth close to Yuki's ear.

The rat cleared his throat softly, blushing pink, gently pushing his cousin's face back a few inches. "I didn't mean it that way, Haru." He said apologetically, knowing how much his company meant to the cow. "Of course I would like to spend the afternoon with you."

"We'll go rest for awhile in the park." He decided, his arm wrapped comfortably around his cousin's slight shoulders.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So, anyway, I ended up going in a complete circle, the opposite way. When I finally found it, I realized it was only about a block from where I had started, just the way I hadn't gone. I wasn't even hungry by the time I got there." Haru shook his head, smiling sheepishly.

Yuki's laugh bubbled out at the cow's look of self-deprecating humor, purple eyes twinkling. Shifting snugly into the crook of the cow's arm, he lightly rested his head on the younger male's strong shoulder. They were leaned back against a wide oak in a deserted corner of the public park a few blocks from the snake's shop. Haru glanced down at him, smiling slightly, though his heart was racing in a way Yuki would have recognized easily - he had felt the same way at having his wrist held by the cat.

"Your stories always make me feel better." The rat admitted, eyes fluttering closed, his muscles going limp in relaxation. "Sorry." He managed, after a few moments of silence. "I think I'm falling asleep."

"It's fine." Haru said quickly, skin tingling at the feeling of Yuki's form cuddling into him.

"Don't let me sleep too long." He mumbled, nuzzling his face into the cow's shoulder. It seemed to Haru he fell asleep almost immediately, his beautiful face looking vulnerable and sweet, his breathing deep and even.

Enjoying the feel of the slight breeze tumbling over him, he basked in the feeling of having his crush in his arms, the sound of the birds chirping a tune to each other happily in the branches above. Minutes passed slowly, leisurely, the cow lost in his own happy thoughts.

The soft, breathy sigh in his ear made him stiffen slightly, glancing down at his companion, who stirred against him. Haru's heartbeat picked up it's pace, his fingers twitching slightly. He stirred again, snuggling more into the firm chest, turning his face into the cow's neck. Haru's face flooded red, a brief but lucid fantasy of tumbling Yuki onto the grass, kissing him everywhere until he was frenzied with arousal, coming to life in his mind.

The silver-haired male's hand slowly, muscles drowsy with his unconscious state, skimmed up the cow's chest, resting finally on his shoulder.

Desire rushed through him, unprecedented, choking him off by the throat. Filled with a stomach-churning mixture of arousal, anticipation, and guilt, Haru couldn't help but lower his face down to his cousin's. His eyes were closed, the lashes so long and thick and inky that they looked like a baby bird's feathers, his mouth forming a soft 'o' shape. He was helpless to stop himself from closing the last few inches of distance and pressing their lips together.

His whole body seemed to throb in pleasure when Yuki's hand on his shoulder suddenly tightened, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, pulling him closer.

"_Kyo." _Haru's mind blanked completely at the word that had been softly murmured against his own mouth.

"Kyo?" He asked incredulously, before he could stop himself. The sound of his voice seemed to reach the rat somewhat, as his hand fell limply back down. _Do you really. . . Feel that way about him, Yuki? For someone like that? _The excitement that had been coursing through his veins was replaced with an icy sense of trepidation, the arousal fading into remorse at taking advantage of the beautiful boy's sleeping state to steal a kiss.

"Hm?" Yuki wriggled again, but seemed to wake with a start, jerking his head up, eyes wide with surprise. Haru stared at him for a moment, waiting for a flash of anger or accusation. It didn't come, only eyes dazed with sleep and slight embarrassment.

"Ah!" He made a noise in his throat, drawing back quickly, blushing a bit. "Sorry!" He apologized miserably. "I didn't mean to fall all over you like that. I toss and turn when I sleep, but I didn't realize I was _that _ tired."

"It's fine, Yuki. It was nothing. I'm glad you were so comfortable." He was numb with shock, his chest feeling heavy. _So this is what that feels like, _he realized, hoping the dawn of awareness didn't show on his face.

"I hope I didn't drool on you." He joked, brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

"You aren't eating right, or getting enough sleep." He pointed out, noting Yuki's eyes had the tiniest dark smudges peeking out under his pretty lashes, with the kind of observation that only someone in puppy love has.

"Maybe not." He admitted. "Don't worry about me, Haru."

"I always do. I can't help it."

"I know." Yuki replied softly, feeling a bit guilty at the teen's tender tone. _He's always looking out for me. . . _

"You won't take care of yourself. What choice do I have?" He asked, stroking the rat's arm lightly. _No-one else does, _the steel-eyed teen thought bitterly. Yuki deserved to be cherished, and taken care of. Always so busy with school and his obligations, skipping meals and sleep. "I could start coming over more, and bringing you food." Though the thought of seeing him there with Kyo, the one he truly had feelings for, would hurt. He knew it would. He could already feel the sharp shards of heartbreak poking into his chest.

"Ms. Honda takes care of most of the cooking, there's no need for that, really." Yuki answered, surprised at the cow's veracity to feed him. "I mean it, you know. Spend your thoughts on something more important."

"You're the most important person to me." _Why don't you understand that? I want to take care of you._

"Haru. . . " Yuki started carefully, wondering not for the first time the best words to describe his feelings for the punk-rock teenager.

"Yuki. You know I'd be perfect for you. You deserve someone who wants you exactly as you are."

The words made him lower his head, silvery hair shifting to hide his face. "I know that." The words were exactly what he wanted to hear, but the look in Yuki's eyes, which to the cow's wounded ego looked suspiciously like pity, warned him that he wouldn't be leaving with what he had wanted tonight. Haru frowned, knowing what was coming. "I know that you'd be wonderful for me. Anyone would be lucky to have you, Haru." At the younger male's snort, Yuki sat up, cupping his cousin's face in his hands, forcing gray eyes to meet violet ones. "I mean it."

"If that were true, then I'd have you. It's not a secret, Yuki. I love you."

"It is true, Haru. You're wonderful. Thoughtful and caring, and patient." He paused, sighing. "You don't love me. You only think you do because you have nothing to compare it to."

"I do!" He snapped, eyes flashing a bit, making Yuki loosen his grip slightly out of trepidation. "It's because of my temper, isn't it?"

"No." Yuki whispered honestly, feeling his eyes fill with tears that he desperately did not want to shed. Something like that would only make this situation worse. "It's because. . . "

"I'm better for you. You have to know that." He insisted, making Yuki's eyes widen in shock.

"Better than who?" He feigned surprise at the statement.

"He's an idiot, and he has no consideration for anyone's feelings, including yours! No matter how much you like him, you have to know, deep in your heart, that I'm better for you."

Unable to stop them, the beseeching tone in Haru's voice clenching his chest, the threatening tears broke the surface of his glimmering eyes and slid slowly down each of his cheeks. "Of course I know. I understand perfectly." He laughed into his hands slightly, despite the tears that continued to seep out, running now over his fingers. "I'm weak, Haru. You expect me to understand you, but you have to understand as well. The feelings you have, the way you can't stop them? I can't stop mine either."

"I didn't mean to make you cry." He answered miserably, using the tips of his fingers to lightly swipe across the rat's cheeks, doing little more then smearing the salty tracks.

"I've done nothing but cry for days." He managed, sniffling in a very un-Yuki-like manner. "And the funniest part is, it's all my fault. Completely my fault."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is." He assured him. "I'm an emotional masochist. I have someone like you, someone gentle and patient and perfectly accomodating. And. . . I can't even come close to returning your feelings. Because of him."

Haru closed his eyes. Hearing the rat's completely serious tone in regards to his feelings for the cat was like taking a bullet. "I'm going to take you home now. You're not really in a condition for this."

"I'm sorry." Yuki apologized again.

_He really is,_ Haru realized. _He's sorry that he doesn't love me. _

"Please, don't be. Of all people, I understand what you're going through." It didn't make it hurt any less, but he did understand the feelings. And no matter how hurt Yuki was making him, no matter how his heart ached, he would make sure the rat was happy and taken care of before worry about his own needs. "Just let me take you home. I won't feel better until you're in bed."

Yuki sighed, scrubbing forcefully at his eyes one more time, not caring about the puffiness he knew would ensure. "Alright."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When the luxurious car pulled into the drive for the second time that day, Kyo's fists clenched. Pummeling the training dummy with more force than was necessary, he deliberately faced the other direction, even when he heard the car doors open and close.

Watching Yuki hurry into the house out of the corner of his eye, he waited until the rat's body disappeared behind the door before whirling to face the cow. "What's with him? Did something happen?" He demanded, his muscles tensed, ready to throw down.

"You've got what you wanted. Just leave me alone."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyo snapped, glaring at the dejected teen. He didn't answer, only slid into the seat and clicked the door closed. Kyo resisted the urge to kick the car as it creeped away, the expensive engine purring lightly. _Bastard._

Knowing he'd get nothing done wondering had happened to the rat, he resignedly headed into his house. "Where's Yuki?" He asked the dog, who still sat at the coffee table, poring over a newspaper. Without looking up, he pointed toward the hallway that housed both their bedrooms. Making a noise of derision, the cat followed in the direction of Shigure's pointed finger.

Noting the tightly closed bedroom door, he hesitated, raising his hand to knock. It was so. . . Different, he decided. He couldn't pick out a single memory of himself knocking on his cousin's bedroom door. Before he could even make the decision whether to do just that, or leave it as it was, the sound of sniffling and soft sobs made him stiffen.

_"Again?!" _He exclaimed, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. "What the Hell is your problem!?" He demanded, forcing the door open, the sound of the rat's emotional break-down causing him to forget his manners and original intent. "I swear to God, if I hear you in here crying one mo-" He cut off abruptly, pivoting to the right, pure instinct allowing him to dodge the hand that cut it's way through the air toward his face. When the rat moved to hit him again, Kyo caught his arm, squeezing it tightly and pinning it in the air. Using it to his advantage, the seme pushed forward, pressing Yuki's back to the wall, albeit not nearly as hard as he had wanted to. Even in his shock and anger, he resisted his violent rage.

"Get out of here." Yuki warned, eyes blazing despite the tears that stained them. Kyo caged him against the pastel wall, a hand on either side of him, preventing his escape.

"You've lost it!" He snarled, chest heaving slightly. "You're insane, all you do lately is cry or attack me. You need mental help."

"You're the most insensitive person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. Do you know how to do anything but make someone feel bad about themselves? Is that how you build yourself up? Cutting other people down?" Judging by the defensive look on the cat's face, Yuki guessed he had aimed and hit a sore spot. "You're like a child throwing a tantrum. Everything has to be about how bad the other person is, their flaws. What about your flaws?! What about-" He broke off, mind blanking for one blissful instant before panic kicked in, rage all but forgotten in the wake of his dread as Kyo lifted him off the floor, and unceremoniously tossed him onto his own bed. "Stop it!" He cried, scrambling halfway up, backing himself against the wall. His tone, suddenly filled with terror shocked Kyo so much he could only stare. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, ok? Just don't." He begged, supporting himself on his hands and knees, head lowered in surrender. The rat was trembling like a frightened animal, Kyo realized.

"Don't what?" He asked slowly, backing away a step from the bed, feeling uneasy at the rat's extreme fear. "You're. . . You're shaking." He pointed out, voice tentative. "You're freaking me out, Yuki."

"Please just go." He whispered, unable to raise his head and look his cousin in the face. He knew his knee-jerk reaction to being thrown into bed would reveal everything, but maybe if Kyo left now it would be possible for him to still just believe the rat needed mental help. He sat up slowly, back still pressed against the wall, but forced their eyes to meet, desperately hoping to portray calmness.

"Yuki. . . You're still shaking." Kyo couldn't even begin to describe the emotions crashing through him. He had never seen a human being, least of all Yuki, coursing with this much absolute terror. The beautiful rat was quivering, arms wrapped protectively around himself, eyes apprehensive. Like a victim. _Like a victim, _he forced himself to repeat in his mind. "Why are you acting like this?"

"I said just go."

Kyo shook his head slowly, unable to speak. His hand reached back, closing the rat's bedroom door with a soft click. There was no way to ignore the rat's hitch of breath, and the instantaneous flash of fear in his lavender eyes at the gesture._ I threw him on the bed, and he got so scared that he can hardly move, _Kyo chest was pounding, blood pumping so hot that he was surprised he didn't simply explode. He wanted to pound something, someone until his own fists were raw and they were nothing left but a bloody pulp, but there was nothing but Yuki, trembling on his bed. "I. . . " He started, but couldn't finish. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" He breathed out softly.

** Kind of a cliffhanger, but not really. Well, nothing in this is really a cliffhanger since it's a prequel, everyone knows what happens lol. . . But still review!**


	6. Through The Darkest of Your Days

Yuki moaned in despair, covering his face with his hands, burying them in his kneecaps. The beginning of an asthma attack tightened his throat, making his breath shallow and quick.

"I can't do this. Not with you. I can't." He repeated, shaking his head wildly. He had been found out. The dawning awareness in Kyo's eyes was obvious, he had figured out everything. When he felt the weight of the cat on his bed, his eyes snapped back open, peering through his fingers. Kyo's face was solemn, but as hard as he searched for disgust or repugnance, he found none.

"Yuki, please." The two simple words made him go limp, and Kyo's firm arms encircled him, pressing the slender uke into his own chest, his hands stroking the silken strands of silver. With the both of them on their knees, torsos pressed flush together, the rat's face buried in his cousin's shoulder, Kyo held him with an iron grip. He inhaled, letting the rat's somewhat familiar scent flow through him, filling his head with all the thoughts he had been plagued with as of recently regarding the popular teen.

"I didn't want you to know." Yuki admitted, breaking the silence. _Is this really happening? _"That's why nobody told you."

Suddenly, Kyo's head shot up, eyes wide, breaking the calm stillness that had overcome them. "Shigure knows, doesn't he?" His fingertips itched to trace over the boy's face, to linger over his pale eyebrows and small, straight nose, and serious mouth.

Yuki hesitated, wondering what the dog had hinted at to make Kyo know that he had known. "He, Aya, and Ha'ri are the only ones. And now you."

"All the things I said to you. . . How can you even stand for me to touch you?"

"What do you mean?" Yuki tilted his head slightly, pulling back so he could stare intensely into the cat's eyes, searching for whatever emotion he was feeling.

"I called you a whore." He stated bluntly, lowering his eyes. "I was upset that you weren't a virgin." _Because I wanted us to be the same, for once. _

"I know."

Kyo took a deep breath, knowing this was the time to put his cards on the table, but still unsure if he could confess. "I can't do this anymore." He admitted, lowering his own head to rest on his cousin's shoulder. Yuki was surprised, but raised his shaking arms to hold the obviously conflicted cat, stroking hands down his back in his best effort to give comfort.

"Do what?"

"I'm tired of hiding from you, Yuki." His voice rough with emotion, he sighed at the feeling of the rat's hands travelling up and down his body, the gesture offering him healing succor. "Leaving a room when we're alone because I don't want you to figure out what I'm thinking. Fighting you because I don't want you to know that I. . . I don't want to fight you." When he didn't get a response, he took another deep breath and rushed on. "I know it's stupid and you don't feel that way about me, especially after the things I said to you. But I'm fucking tired of this. I can't keep pretending." Yuki's hands had stilled on him, he realized. The rat had stopped moving, and still hadn't said a word. _Shit. _"Like I said, I don't expect anything but I just needed you to know and-"

"You can't." Yuki shook his head slowly to deny it, trying desperately to combat the rush of warmth that overtook him at Kyo's words. His soft words cut the cat's words off, leaving the capricious male frozen. "Because of Akito." He specified quickly, noting the practically traumatized look on his cousin's face.

"No." Kyo grabbed the rat's hands with his own, holding them firmly, staring into his companion's eyes intensely. "Yuki, I don't care about that. I can understand if you don't have feelings for me, but don't blame it on that. I want you no matter wh-"

"Don't have feelings for you!?" Yuki exclaimed, huffing out a slightly hysterical laugh. He tugged lightly to get his hands back, but the ginger-haired teen stubbornly held tight. "You have no idea about anything, as usual." He lowered his eyes, wanting to hate the feeling of the cat's rough palms against his own smooth ones. "Like someone else. Please." His voice cracked on the last word, counteracting his attempt at sounding indifferent.

"No. I'm tired of this. Shigure was right, and you know it. Don't you?" He demanded roughly, yanking the rat's hands so their faces were inches apart.

"No." He denied again, shaking his head.

"You don't have feelings for me."

He considered agreeing with the words to make it easier, but the mortified look on the cat's face clenched his chest, preventing the lie from leaving his mouth. "I do." The confession was so quiet, the cat could barely hear it.

"Then you're a coward, just like he said!" Kyo snapped, snarling. "You won't be with me because of what everyone will think!"

Yuki stared at him for several seconds in complete shock. "Are. . . Are you really that stupid?" He asked. When he recieved no answer, he continued. "Yes, I am a coward. I'm terrified of what you told me tonight. But not because of what people will think, or anything as meaningless as that."

"What, then!?"

"I'm terrified _for_ you, Kyo."

The tone unnerved him slightly, but he held firm, his heart feeling lighter than it had felt in months. The breathtaking rat really did have feelings for him. "What does that even mean?"

"You don't understand about Akito. Kyo, he-"

"I told you I don't care about that, Yuki! I mean, I _care. _I could kill him for. . . What he did to you. But. . . It doesn't make me feel differently for you. You're so goddamn beautiful, and-"

"Kyo!" The normally soft-voiced teen's vocal exclamation interrupted the cat yet again. "Akito is. . . " He hesitated, trying to find a word to describe he and the Sohma God's volatile relationship. "Territorial." He decided. "I can't. . . Be in a relationship." At Kyo's dark stare, he flushed. "Please tell me nobody else knows about this."

"Shigure lives with us, he's not an idiot. And. . . " He paused, considering Yuki's reaction. "Haru."

The rat sighed slightly with relief. The cat's revelations were not likely to get back to Akito from either of them. Sacrifice was nothing even close to new for the popular teen, so it was obvious to him what he had to do. Though he was used to the feeling, even had had to admit it would hurt a great deal. After lusting after the fierce male for so long, and finding out his feelings were mutual. . . _I was stupid to even look at him in the first place. _

"Yuki. It doesn't change anything. I still want you. And you want me. I can see it now, in your eyes. In the way you stare at me when I come in a room and try to pretend you don't. You've probably fantasized about exactly this, me confessing my feelings to you. Haven't you?" He asked sharply, the pink blush rising to the violet-eyed teen's cheeks as confirmation to his question. _He isn't taking no for an answer, _Yuki realized, half in exasperation and half in shock at the intensity of the cat's feelings for him. _Can he really want me so much?_

"So what? It doesn't mean anything can happen between us. I told you, Akito-"

"Fuck Akito!" Kyo snapped, baring his teeth in disdain. "You're going to let him control you!?"

"You don't know what he'll do to you." But Yuki knew. The thought of the 'God's wrath concerning Kyo sent shivers down the pale teen's spine. He knew that to ignore the repercussions that he knew were inevitable, just because of his strong feelings for Kyo, would be one of the most selfish things he could possibly do.

"I don't care, either." Kyo replied in disgust, shaking his head. He stood, tucking his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. "Well, I already told you. I'm through hiding."

"Nobody can know about this." Yuki replied flatly. "I mean it. Nothing changes between us. If it gets out that you have feelings for me-"

"You mean that we have feelings for each other." Kyo interrupted, eyes narrowed at Yuki's sudden change. It was like a switch had been flipped, from emotional and needy Yuki to the icy and indifferent Prince Charming. Not that the rat's impulsive mood swings were anything new and unusual, but it had always irked the hell out of him.

"I'll deny it." He shrugged one shoulder, crossing his arms over his chest in a gesture of apathy. "And Akito will make you leave here. He won't want you around me if he knows."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Don't think of it as a threat. I'm just telling you what will happen if you don't do what I say. It's a promise."

Kyo cocked an eyebrow, their eyes locked. He finally broke the eye contact by smiling bitterly, shaking his head. "I knew you were cold, Yuki, but this takes the cake."

"Thank you." He deadpanned. "Now get out."

The pumpkin-haired teen turned, still shaking his head. He opened the door, stepping through it, but stopped at the last second, turning his face back. "Is this some kind of fucked up punishment for the things I said to you?"

Yuki stood fluidly, gripping the doorknob with his hand. "Don't be overdramatic." He stated patronizingly, closing the door behind the cat, and locking it with a dull snap. He released the breath he had been holding with a shudder, pressing his palms to his violet eyes, resisting the urge to sink to his knees. It was always so easy at school to keep up his cold facade, but doing it to someone he felt so much for had been difficult.

"Frigid bitch." Kyo muttered under his breath, before storming off, but he was still reeling mentally from the knowledge he had learned. He had always hated the rat's talent for being a condescending ass.

After hearing the bedroom door slam, Shigure peeked his head around the corner, wiggling his eyebrows for comic effect, though nobody was there to see him. Pulling his cellphone out of his pocket with agonizing slowness, he dialed it, eyes still darting between the closed bedroom doors of his young cousins.

The phone on the other end rang twice, but was picked up quickly.

"Ayame." The phone was answered with the white-haired snake's peppy voice. Shigure grinned, always finding it funny that the conceited man had named his shop after himself.

"I needed to talk to the most beautiful shining jewel in all of the world." Shigure commented, cradling the phone against his shoulder, keeping his voice somewhat low, to make sure the boys wouldn't hear him.

"Speaking."

"I have a little update for you, in the case of the forlorn rat and cat. I thought you might be interested."

"Do tell." The man purred back over the phone, his attention clearly captured.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I'm home!" Tohru's cheerful voice rang out through the halls of the Sohma home, prompting Yuki to exit his room and meet her at the front door. She gave him a sweet smile, gesturing with her hands, though her arms.

"Isn't there more to carry in?"

"Well, yes, there are a few more bags. If you wouldn't mind, Yuki."

"Of course not, Ms. Honda." He replied softly, using his preferred name for her. "It's my pleasure." Capturing her knuckles smoothly in one of his hands, he pressed a chaste kiss to her soft skin, before moving out of the door to bring in the rest of her luggage.

"Yuki sure seems in a good mood." Tohru remarked happily to Shigure, who leaned back comfortably against the wall, watching the display between the two of them. "I was hoping I wouldn't come back to find the house destroyed, to be honest!" She laughed, glad to be home from the trip that the females in their grade had taken to a historical district of a city for the week.

"It's been interesting, for sure." The dog replied, amusement twinkling in his eye. "You're looking even more beautiful than usual. Must be excitement from the trip."

"Thank you." She blushed a little at the compliment, but her smile remained in place. "Where's Kyo?" She wondered aloud, glancing around.

"Ah, I wouldn't take it personally if he doesn't greet you until later. He's in a mood."

"Oh." She nodded quickly, to show that it didn't offend her at all. "Well, I'll have dinner ready as soon as possible! Hopefuly a nice a homecooked meal will cheer him up."

"Hopefully." The older Sohma agreed, but his eyes were still sparkling with hilarity. He wondered how their naive houseguest would react to what he was certain was a budding relationship between the two cursed cousins.

**I started watching that new anime Free! - Iwatobi Swim Club, and I am in loooove with it ~ Thinking about doing some fics with my ships from the show. . . **


End file.
